Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
