she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
