I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
