I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
