dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
