We won't sleep together?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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