i don't like sucking hair
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
