my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
