a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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