Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
