His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
