i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I will pee on everything he values.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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