you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
