every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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