I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
