So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
