just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I love having hate sex.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
