Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm jealous of your bromance
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
