I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
