totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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