i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
