yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
