New low: just hacked my moms facebook
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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