She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
