i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
