i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
