Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
