I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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