My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
