Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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