sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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