Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
