last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
