ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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