i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
is wine microwaveable?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
