walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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