I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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