New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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