Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
