I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
