of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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