I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
