Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
