How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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