A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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