never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
