3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
