it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
