Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
