Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
